The way you think changes everything. Expand your abilities to solve the problems in relationships by looking at them from the right angle.
Hi there! You are probably reading this because you have some troubles with your loved one. Hold on. It’s not going to last forever. Of course, there’s “time heals all wounds,” and you probably hear this a lot. But do you really want to wait? I’m sure you don’t. And the good news is you shouldn’t.
It’s in your power to get everything you desire in a relationship
It’s not that easy. The hardest part is identifying the problem. Just remember never to blame only one of you. It’s never your partner OR you. It’s always both. And if you obviously can’t change someone else’s mindset, there’s only one thing left – improve yours.
But first, let’s look at the most common problems in relationships:
- fading spark or lack of it;
- troubles in communication;
- sexual problems.
Each one of them is fixable. The key idea – it’s how you look at it and are you ready to do some work to improve the situation
Easy fix for misunderstanding problems in a relationship
How common is the phrase “He/She doesn’t understand me”? Well, we all sometimes need to blame someone else, anyone but ourselves. And it works, even helps us to come to terms with the problem by doing nothing. It’s not our fault, right?
The truth is your partner can actually have difficulties in understanding your psychology. We all are unique creatures with our special code. There are lucky ones who could hack it easily. These people with who you always feel like on the same wavelength. But what if your significant other is not one of them, and you want him to be?
Well, that’s the part where you should turn “He doesn’t understand me” into “What can I do to help him.” Focusing on possibilities and solutions instead of who to blame, you can achieve significant results.
The solution is simple – to talk. Use examples if needed. But don’t forget to stay calm and lenient. If you’re aggressive, your partner will be in a fighting mode, too busy with defence and counterarguments. While defending themself or launching attacks on you, there’s no way they can absorb any information necessary to understand you.
The first thing your partner should see it’s that you’re not blaming them but trying to help. This way, it will be more comfortable for them to stay open-minded and hear you out with full attention.
In the reverse situation, when you don’t understand them, the solution is the same – to talk. But you need to ask more questions and be a great listener. Stay focused, and don’t lose your temper. Remember – the key here is to listen.
How to create or recreate the spark in a relationship
There are many ways to build a flame of your love or bring back to life a faded one. If you already had it, just look back and try to remember what created this first spark. Any chance you can recreate the situation, get back to this special place for both of you or watch your videos and photos from this period? If yes, you should definitely give it a try.
If not, it’s not a problem. There are so many ways to create new sparks:
- discover new places;
- break a routine,
- bring some changes into your days;
- make surprises;
- find something that makes you tick and share this experience with your partner.
Again the first thing you should keep in mind it’s how you think. Instead of focusing on problems, aim your energy for the solution. You are the superhero here. And it’s not an encouragement to do all the work by yourself. In any healthy relationship, both partners should be involved in developing them into something solid and beautiful.
But this is the advice to look at what YOU can do. And if you’ll be trying, hopefully, your loved one will come along. If not, maybe it’s not the right person for you after all. But let’s stay positive. There’s always a way to convince them that you and your relationship are worth some effort.
Troubles in communication and how to deal with them
There are two types of situations: you don’t talk at all or always argue.
Lack of communication.
If you don’t communicate with your loved one, there might be two reasons. Either you don’t have something that could be interesting for you both, or there’s deep resentment.
The first one is easier to fix. Try to find a hobie to enjoy together. Or go to the movies. Then talk about it. Of course, it might not last forever, but it will help a bit to open up and enjoy each other’s company. At a deeper level, try to show more interest in things that your partner cares about.
If you’re the one who feels a lack of attention from your loved one, just try to tell them about it. Some people could just be stuck in the routine and don’t notice such things. So you can either feel hurt and neglected or try to share your worries with your partner. Even if you feel like they don’t care, you won’t lose anything by sharing your concerns.
You might actually win a lot. Maybe your loved one cares but just doesn’t know how to express their interest, or just didn’t notice that something is wrong. Talk about it.
Resentment is a bit harder to fix. Some people get upset or disappointed with something and don’t even talk about it. They could give you a silent treatment as punishment or trying to get your attention this way. In many cases, you can’t even notice it right away, and later it’s much harder to figure out what happened.
If you notice something wrong, don’t be afraid to confront it. But do it as gently as possible. Try to be comforting and don’t give up. It often takes a lot of effort to figure out someone who used to hold his feelings for himself.
And if you’re the one who is upset and don’t talk about it, you already know what to do. Talk about it. It’s the only way to let your loved one understand you and help you get over these feelings. To fix a problem, your partner should know that there’s one. Don’t wait until they figure it out on their own. Remember that your loved one can’t read your mind. So tell them what is bothering you before it’s too late to fix anything.
Arguing it’s much better than don’t talk at all. This way you at least communicate with each other, so you have more chances to find a problem. And frequently, the topic you are talking about might not be a real reason. There could be a more profound concern that is bothering one of you or both.
People often lash out at each other for what seems like no reason at all, but in fact, there’s something important that hurts but can’t breakthrough. Or it’s a combination of unspoken problems.
The most heated conversations frequently happen after a long silence, when people keep everything that hurts them to themselves, and it keeps piling up. Then one day, it all breaks through in the ugliest uncontrolled way. That’s how people who love each other become rude, angry and cruel.
To prevent arguments, you should talk it out right away. Share your concerns about all the little things that upset you. Do it yourself and ask your partner to do the same. After that, you still might argue. We all have different opinions and ways to do things. So try to understand your partner and help them to do the same, try to keep calm and be your best self.
Lack of Intimacy as a problem that tears you apart or doesn’t let to get closer
One of the most precious things in a relationship it’s a deep connection, ability and desire to talk freely about your feelings. But not everyone has it in a relationship. Some people are just shy, and it’s hard for them to open up. Some are afraid to let anyone get too close to them because they were hurt before.
When you are in a relationship with such a person, you might think that they are cold. But it’s rarely the truth. Everyone has a soft side, but many people hide it deep enough for no one to see.
If you really want to see this side of your partner, you should deserve the right to do it. And the best way to achieve it it’s to gain trust. There are a few ways to do it.
Show your soft side first. You might be afraid to do it. But think what will be worse – to get hurt if you show it to the wrong person or to miss all incredible things if you don’t reveal it to the right one.
Another way to gain the trust of someone you love it’s always to have their back. Say no to a betrayal of any kind. Trust problems in a relationship are hardest to fix. So, be loyal even in small things. It might not look like a big deal to you, but it could be essential to your significant other.
Sexual problems in a relationship
You don’t have sex at all, not enough or just not the way you like? Well, the solution is the same – talk about it. Let your partner know what you want, find out what they want. Discuss some changes that will make you both happy. Try something new.
Don’t forget about surprises. Do something special. You can also look at the mirror and find an idea to look even more beautiful than you are. And you definitely are gorgeous! Confidence in yourself it’s a foundation for your sexuality.
If nothing helps solve problems in a relationship and you still want to do it, maybe it’s time to go to couple counselling. But before doing that, try one more thing. Check this free video from dating coach James Bauer. He gives women incredible tips to solve relationship problems. Click the link below